Things that pisses me off........(part 2)

List of people that make me so angry that I wanna rip out my eyeballs out and replace it with
my other pair of balls....

1) People that send Good morning and good afternoon and good evening mails.

2) People that have a saying in the signatures of their mails. Hey buddies, guess what? I dont give a rat's ass about wat Aristotle said or wat Conficious said. You know, actually if someone put this saying, that would be saying the truth :

"Men like me are really are so jobless that we take out our frustration by annoying others
with meaningless anecdotes"
- Frustrated, Jobless, stupid software engineer

3) Credit card company representatives, who by the way have the worst sense of timing in the world, call you up to offer really lucrative deals with their credit cards. Guess what people -
THERE ARE NO LUCRATIVE DEALS IN CREDIT CARDS. Once you get one, you are screwed for life!!!!

4) Indian cricket team selectors. Wat the hell. I guess these guys are having lemons for eyes and peanuts for brains. I'll tell you why. If you made my 8 year old cousin as the selector of the national team, he would not pick jackasses like Sehwag ,Harbajan, Pathan, Agarkar. The last time I remember these guys performing was in the 20th century!!!!!If you ask the selectors why they select these numbskulls, they'll say that we are short of talent. SHORT OF TALENT!!! People, of 1 billion people if we cannot have a decent team of 11 players then I think it is high time we get out of the sport.Australia, that beer swilling redneck prison convicts down south, have a population of 20 million(2% of ours) can have one great team and a bunch of awesome reserves, the I really think itz time we went back to our roots - beating up people with hockey sticks

5) PETA(People for the Ethical treatment of Animals): A group of the Biggest losers on the
planet.Their slogan is "animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment". Wat the @^#%? Let us look at these one by one

a) Wearing dead animals is a stupid thing that these ladies do. I mean, these ladies can wear a dead fox around their shoulders, but are scared of a cockroach?? This is crazy
PETA 1, sane humans 0
b) Experiment on: As I already mentioned in my previous post, hippies can be used for this
purpose, but then the whole world would start noticing. So we have no other options. I mean,
who will poor Paris hilton or Madonna test their new line of cosmetics on?
PETA 1, Sane humans 1
c) Entertainment: This one is a no-brainer. Where would we be without animal movies like
Jurassic Park, King Kong,Godzilla, Dr Dolittle or the animated ones like Shrek, madagascar.
I mean you would have no cock fights, maybe in NASA bar Bangalore ;-) ;-).
PETA 1, sane humans 2
d) Eat : PETA 1, sane humans 3

I mean the guys at PETA , assuming that they are veggies, are at fault too. Plants have
feelings too. Nobody cares about them. Just because they can't speak doesnt mean that we
have to harm them. Please read PETV

6) Indian kids under 18 who think they are american : Dear Reader, Please do me a flavour.
If you ever find an Indian kid impersonation americans(usually blacks) or american culture,
give them a hard kick in the ass.Stupid Idiots. Mimicking the americans would be like
mimicking the apes.

7)Anybody and everybody associated with ZOOM television: Cmon. A channel dedicated only to see wat the celebrities do, where they eat and other news.U want real entertainment. Go to
Majestic area in the evening with a camera and see all the tomfoolery that happens there.

To be continued....

Hippies are Dummies!!!!!

Oxford Dictionary defines a hippie as follows : A Hippie is a pot-smoking, nature loving, peace craving, vegetarian, HIV-spreading, Space -wasting, classic rock listening, dumb, idiotic, impractical, dumb morons.

Man I hate hippies... I get so pissed off with them... Many times I wonder what purpose they would serve in the real world... Here are a list of things that I thought could be done with the hippies:

1. Parking your car on them.
2. Sending them to any war so they get killed instead of real people.
3. Medical testing (they're stupid like animals; just knock them out and give them a shot.. they won't know what happened)
4. Using them for ammo. We should pack them into missiles and launch them over towards Pakistan. Their smell is potent enough to make any enemy surrender.
5. Target practice
6. Fertilizers(Hippies always say that they are in touch with the nature)
7. Hippies make great janitors in prison (after all, they have the smell down).
8. Decorations. Add colour to your festival celebrations with a few hippies impaled on your walls (Dracula style).
9. Hippies make great scapegoats. Bad day at work? Famine? Plague? Cancer? Blame it on hippies.(This is usually what I do)
10. Hippies are always good for kicking and would act as a great football.
11. Hippies are fun to tease (good for laughs when you're bored)
12. Raw sewage storage (Hippies will eat anything)
13. Hippies are flammable and make for great campfire fuel.
14. Hippies will do free work to clean up the world (those suckers love earth).
15. Hippies are great for mixing with cement and throwing off bridges (just for fun).
16. Hippies are perfect for running over (always sleeping on park benches and sidewalks)
17. Hippies can be used as flotation devices i.e. they can be kept under your seats in an airplane and can be used in the case of emergencies(Provided u can stand the stink)
18. Hippies can also be used as dry logs in campfires(They love the nature)
19. Hippies can be used as a mode of transport during bandh times
20. Hippies can be used as dead bodies in the movies( Never get a hippie to act)
21. Hippies can be used as a vacuum cleaner (Beware... They suck really well!!!)
22. Hippies can be used as road blocks
23. Hippies can be used to detect & test new strains of HIV
24. Hippies lungs can be used as ashtrays
25. Hippies can be used as ploughs in the fields
26. Hippie can be used as cleaning tools by proctologists(anal doctors)
27. Hippies can be used as urinals .In the case of emergencies, it can be used for no 2 also
28. Hippies can be used for the measurement of the intensity of natural disasters in hippie scale(This is done by sending the hippies to the eye iof the storm and then counting the casualties)
29. Hippies can be used to check the integrity of weak structures

This is just some of the things that the hippies can do other than.....(what the hell do they really do???)

If you think you know some other useful things that the hippies can do, then please commente.

P.S. I would like to thank lead hippie, Shiv Sahgal, for providing me an insight in the crappy world of hippies

My fav English movies - part 1

1) Godfather 1 2
2) Goodfellas
3) Memento
4) The Matrix 1 2 3
5) American History X
6) Reservoir Dogs
7) The Departed
8) Forrest Gump
9) Batman Begins (Best action-hero flick)
10) Kill Bill 1 2
11) The Incredibles
12) Toy Story 1 & 2 (greatest animated movies ever)
13) Crash
14) Back to the future 1 2 3
15) Groundhog Day
16) Shrek 1 2
17) The TerMinator 2
18) Little Miss Sunshine
19) Scarface
20) Schindler's List
21) Hotel Rwanda
22) Saving Private Ryan

to be continued............